You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
