Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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