I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
handjob tips. give me some.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
