You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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