So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
