Where did you get a picture of my penis
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
