He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
