where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
