ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
