I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
