This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
