I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I need a burrito and a hug.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
