I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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