did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
