She said her name was "party"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
