Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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