I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
