I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
