this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
