I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
