I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
