I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
