I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He told me they were just razor bumps!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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