I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
