everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
