i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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