guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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