So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
