He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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