Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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