mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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