dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
