His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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