well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
