I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
