I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So apparently I’m into choking now
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