She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
