Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
