i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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