i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
