wakey wakey hands off snakey
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
