My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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