Welp...herpes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We're too hungover to prance.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
