so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's blow job season.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
