my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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