That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
