just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
