i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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