Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
