I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Are my feet made of real feet?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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