ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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