The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
