You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
