Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
