My hand turned me down
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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