does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
