I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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