You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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