Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
