put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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