Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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